How will you stay in love next time? What will you do differently? You’ll listen to Motown with greater curiosity, brought to surprising sobs by the tragedies of Tammi and Marvin. Your cyclamen will not be neglected. You will swear less. You will learn how to perfect spaghetti Bolognese. You will not assume anything.
You will not pass verdicts in an accusatory way, proclaiming ‘Your sense of smell is bad’ or ‘You aren’t a good dancer’, then attempt to back away from such statements like bloody roadkill that’s crept onto the sidewalk.